I went with Heather and her mother to the appointment. Heather wasn't feeling great but she wasn't having an attack either. He examined her and asked her a few questions about what had been happening.
The pain from the attacks had been starting to localize around the upper left side of her abdomen and it would sometimes radiate all the way to her back.
He examined her and put his hands on her stomach.
"I believe that what you have is a sphincter of oddi dysfunction."
A what?
"Sphincter of oddi dysfunction. It's a small valve on your pancreas and when it's too tight, your pancreas can't properly expel the enzymes you need to process food and it becomes inflamed, causing a lot of pain. The inflammation is called pancreatitis."
"The only treatment for pancreatitis is pain medication and obstaining from eating or drinking until the pain stops."
"There are only two ways to test for pancreatitis; the first one, which unfortunately is the more accurate one, we can't do at this hospital. We just don't have the equipment. The second one requires a specific drug that, also rather unfortunately, there is a serious shortage of right now. So I can't really prove that you have pancreatitis without waiting for the drug to become more readily available."
I think we all held our breath hoping that there was something more.
"But I'm like 97% sure that you do have pancreatitis from SOD. It's not very noticeable unless you're looking for it, but your lipase, which is a pancreatic enzyme, you lipase levels have been just a little bit high on the record of a lot of your ER visits. Even slightly elevated lipase levels can be an indicator of pancreatitis. Also, on the left side where your pain is, that's where your pancreas is. And a lot of pancreatitis patients complain of the pain shooting through to the back."
"Like I said, I'm about 97-98% sure that you have pancreatitis and that 2-3% is really just because I can't prove it and you should always allow a little room for error."
"What I want to do is a relatively non-invasive endoscopic surgery where I would open up the sphincter and hopefully put an end to these attacks. In the mean time I want to put you on enzyme capsules to help replace the one that your pancreas isn't producing."
It was a roller coaster of emotion.
He knew what it was! We had a name for it now, pancreatitis caused by sphincter of oddi dysfunction. I repeated the new diagnosis over and over again, asking Heather if I was saying it right. I wanted to be sure that the next time we were in an ER I would remember it and know how to say it.
Why hadn't any of the doctors before this ever noticed her lipase levels? He said that they wouldn't notice if they weren't looking but come on, seriously? Nobody noticed? And she had been saying for a month that it was on the right and radiating to the back, were those doctors idiots? How the hell was she showing all of these classic symptoms of pantreatitis for over a month without a single doctor, including two gastroenterologists, ever figuring it out? I wanted to go slap them all individually for being bad at their jobs.
He was so sure! How did he get her case anyway? I guess they assigned it to him or maybe he heard her case in a meeting and thought that he knew what this was. He seems like a really smart guy.
The enzymes were expensive, but her parents didn't care. Which was good, because we were broke. We were both living in our perspective parents homes in the months leading up to the wedding.
We kept getting asked, "Are you sure you guys don't want to postpone the wedding? Just until she gets better?"
We were sure.
We both wanted the wedding to happen. We weren't going to let some weird dysfunction with sphincter in the title ruin our lives.
Two days before our wedding,
We drove separately to the hotel where both our families and all of our friends had been directed to stay at for the wedding. Before I arrived, I got the text. Heather was having an attack and they had taken her to a local ER. I checked in at the hotel, left my bags with my parents, and drove to the hospital.
She was crying. Her parents were sitting by her bed. Her dad always looked so befuddled, like the whole thing just didn't make sense to him. It didn't make sense to us either. I remember her mother asking again, "Are you sure you guys don't want to postpone the wedding?"
Heather gave me a look that repeated the question. She looked scared that I might have changed my mind, and like she'd understand if I had. I looked back into those eyes that were prepared to be heartbroken,
"I don't care if we have to roll this bed down to the hospital chapel and do it there. I'm marrying you."
She smiled.
The next morning, the day before the wedding, there was a wedding shower. Heather couldn't be there, and her family were the hosts. I went. It wasn't bad. Her aunt's, all ex-military as well as ex-girl scouts, had stayed up the night before making campfire starters to go with the theme of camping gear that the shower followed. There were cup-cakes and future new relatives to meet, and even an awful faux pas in which my future mother in law asked my parents if they were excited about my sisters engagement, about which they had not been told...
It was only awkward for a moment, my parents hadn't been paying attention.
The whole time I was just worried about Heather. I meant what I said about marrying her in the hospital chapel, it just wasn't my preference. I had to imagine it anyway, because with every hour that passed with her still in the hospital, the more real the possibility became.
It didn't happen like that.
She was out later that day. She came to the rehearsal! We were getting married at this beautiful little property out in the country. There was this gorgeous willow tree at the edge of the yard that would serve as the background for the minister. We walked the path and smiled from ear to ear as the minister, a family friend, told us where to stand and how the ceremony would precede. We had to imagine where my groomsmen would stand, they were stuck in traffic and didn't arrive until the rehearsal dinner. Frustrating, but not a big deal.
The rehearsal dinner was great. Everyone was so happy to be there. We handed out bridesmaid and groomsmen gifts, an open bar and, by request, no corny slide show. My future sister in law told my future wife, "He cleans up pretty nice doesn't he?" She seemed surprised, I wasn't. I looked good.
The day of,
My heart was fluttering all morning. It wasn't fear, or jitters, it was excitement. I couldn't believe the day was finally here.
If you're getting married soon, let me give you a little tidbit of wisdom from personal experience; something is going to go wrong. Accept it and move forward. For our wedding, there were, issues, early.
For one thing, it was raining. It was mid April after all. This meant that we would have to move the ceremony inside. Not devastating, just disappointing. It was a really pretty willow tree.
Secondly, my groomsmen were stuck in traffic again. They were both broke and so they hadn't reserved hotel rooms for the nigh before the wedding. They had gone home after the rehearsal and now they were stuck in traffic again. The real problem was,
Everyone was stuck in traffic.
In all of our casual planning we had failed to ever realize that we had scheduled our wedding on the first day of spring break.
The highway was clogged for at least a few states.
When it became obvious that my groomsmen weren't going to make it to the hotel in time to ride in the limo with us, Heather said,
"Well, I'm getting married today. I'll see you there." She kissed me and left to go meet up with her bridesmaids/ sisters and niece. The way she said it wasn't with blind optimism. What she really meant was, "This is going to be my wedding day one way or the other. I'm not allowing anything to fuck it up." I love her so much.
My sister, serving as my best sister, was the only groomsman to ride with me to the wedding site. She spent most of her time leading up to the ceremony calming me down as I worried myself into a frenzy about the tardy guests.
"Hey! You're getting married today. That's all that matters."
I choose well when I choose her.
The guests that made it to the hotel in time rode on a trolly to the wedding site.
The next thing I knew, her father was walking her down the middle of an isle of plastic chairs filled with the people who love us the most.
She was beautiful. I think she was glowing. We planted forget-me-nots to symbolize our understanding that a marriage needed to be cared for and tended to every day. We had the tattooed wedding bands that we had gotten a week earlier, blessed.
I was the first to have my band tattooed on. I told her, "If you're going to change your mind, now is the time."
"No, I'm sure."
"Okay." The artist started tattooing my left ring finger,
"On second thought...." she laughed.
When it was time to repeat the vows that we had written, I was the one that was crying. She actually kept it together.
"I've never promised you anything sacred,
but today I promise you this;
I promise you all of my strength,
and all of my weakness.
My hopes and my fears.
My mind and my body.
My heart and my soul.
But above all else
I promise you my love.
I take you to be my wedded husband/wife
For as long as forever can last."
The reception was nothing short of a party.
We danced our first dance to, "Crazy Love" by Adam Sandler.
I don't remember all of the speeches but I remember that over and over again, our loved ones said that it seemed as though we had both married our best friend. We agreed.
More crying.
Here's a wedding day tip; You want a rainbow for the backdrop of the greatest wedding day photo ever?
It was an amazing day.
Everyone that stayed long enough got good and drunk and by sundown the party was hopping. I saw all of my new aunts, as well as the ones I already had, dance like they were back in college.
My sisters fiance caught the garter. They were married five months later.
My widowed aunt caught the bouquet. She married her boyfriend three months later.
It was perfect.
Back at the hotel, before things ensued that are none of your damn business, Heather gave me a pocket watch with my initials engraved on it. It came in a box that was also engraved.
"For as long as forever can last."
I'd love it if this was the end of the story. I'd love to end with a happily ever after the perfect wedding. I'd love to tell you that her sphincter of odi dysfunction was ultimately taken care of.
I really wish I wasn't writing this post next to a hospital bed, while Heather moans in pain for the fifth day in a row.
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